


Until Death Tears Us Apart

by Yumisaki



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumisaki/pseuds/Yumisaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing an important person, Fuma sees only one way out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, we wrote this kind of long ago. This was our first fanfiction ever (you will probably notice), and it was not that well-written, but yeah...  
> Still hope you enjoy this!  
> ~Yumisaki

Fuma POV

"Fuma-niichan!" I heard my sister calling from downstairs, before she started running up  
enthusiastically. "Will you go to the playground with me? I'm so boooored!"  
I just came home from University and still had a lot of things to do, so I didn't really have the time for that.  
"Sorry, I can't." I said, patting her head. "But you're a big girl already, aren't you? And the playground is across the street. You could take Raimu with you, right?"  
She pouted her lips, looking at me angrily.  
"You are always so busy. You never play with me!"  
I felt really sorry for her, but I couldn't help it.  
"Look, I have time this weekend. Let's go somewhere then, ok? And you can go to the playground now, I can even see you if I look out of my window!" I smiled at her, but she didn't look satisfied. She murmured something I couldn't understand and walked out of my room, slamming the door really hard. I sighed and concentrated on my work again.  
A few minutes later, I heard her shouting from downstairs again. "I'm going to the playground now! And I'll have tons of fun without you!"  
I had to grin. She tried so hard to sound angry, but it never worked, she always sounded adorably cute.  
"Ok, but be careful when you cross the street! There are a lot of cars, you know!" I shouted back, but the only answer I got was the door slamming, again.  
After a few seconds I heard a dog barking. Suddenly there was a big bang and then a girl screaming. My head snapped up and the only thing I saw was a big black car driving away fast and a small person laying in a red puddle, which seemed to become bigger.  
I was totally frozen. Then I realized what I was seeing and I screamed. "Noooooo!"  
I ran downstairs as fast as I could, opened the door and saw my sister.  
I couldn’t believe it.  
I kneeled down beneath my sister and there she was. Her pale face surrounded from red blood and the cool grey of the street.  
My whole body was shaking and my fingers touched her cheek.  
"Say something, please!" First it was only a whisper but later I screamed it. People stood there and watched, but I didn’t care.  
I only wanted her to open her eyes and say something to me. With my other hand I felt for her pulse. Thank god, it was there. But it was so weak.  
I heard someone calling the ambulance. Then her lids opened slowly.  
She whispered: "Fuma-niichan. I' m so glad you are here. It hurts so much."  
She sobbed.  
"Please tell me that everything will be alright. I' m scared. But I love you so..." I didn’t hear her last word because I had to sob myself before saying in a hoarse voice: "Everything will be alright. I' m so sorry. Can you forgive me?"  
She whispered slowly: "Yes. I love you so much onii-chan..."  
Then she closed her eyes forever.  
My shoulders were shaking under my sobs.  
I felt tears running over my cheek and I whispered: "I' m so sorry..."  
I could hear that the ambulance was already close, but I didn't notice it. I felt for her pulse again, but it wasn't there. I couldn't stop my tears from falling on to her face while my hand was stroking her cheek....for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

-one month later-

 

"It's all my fault..." I muttered, sitting on my bed, face buried in my knees.

I felt like I did nothing else than crying for the whole last month. I didn't talk to anyone, not even my family.

I felt like they should hate me for what I've done. It was my fault.

My sister died, and it was _my fault._ Everyone kept telling me that it was an accident and there was no one to blame, but if only I would have gone with her... if I could have hold her back from running into that car...

I started sobbing again, but there were no tears coming out of my eyes. My whole body felt numb, but I was in terrible pain at the same time.

"He will get better." I heard my mom saying that sentence every day. When she was on the phone or when someone was on the door asking for me... every day. But I didn’t think so. How could I possibly _get better_? I _killed_ someone, yes, exactly, I was a murderer.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It had been like this for a month, but I knew it couldn't go on forever. I had to make a decision.

Either I would go out and tell everyone that I'm okay again, while I'm actually dying inside or I would end it. Not being able to stand all the pain and the feelings of being guilty and just quit. Quit _everything_.

I stood up from my bed and went downstairs. My parents weren't at home, so I took a piece of paper and simply wrote ' _Don't cry for me'_ on it, leaving it on the kitchen table where they could easily find it.

I took out my phone, because there was someone else who I had to say Goodbye to. My hands were shaking when I tipped in the exact same message I had written down on the piece of paper. Then I searched for 'Nakajima' and sent it.

I closed my eyes for a second, before I put my phone beneath the note on the kitchen table. I wouldn't need it anymore.

The time I stood in the kitchen felt like an eternity. I tried to remember the beautiful times with my family, _with my sister_.

The time when we all sat together at the table, laughing. It was empty now, except for my note.

I could only imagine my mother reading it. I hated myself for what I was about to do. I would make everyone sad… _again_. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t go on living with that pain. It was just too much.

I grabbed my jacket and got out of the house as fast as possible, because I didn’t know if I could stand these thoughts any longer.

The cold wind blew into my face as soon as I opened the door, but I didn't care.

I walked directly to the place I wanted to go.

No detours, no excuses.

Every step felt relieving. Before I realized it, I already stood at the place I aimed for.

I laid my hand on to the cold railing of the bridge. Slowly, I went one step closer to the railing.

 

Slowly, one step closer to death...


	3. Chapter 3

Kento POV

I was sitting at my desk and thinking about the last month.

Especially about Fuma.

Since his sister died, he never spoke even a word with me. Or someone else. I felt so sorry for him.

On the funeral he didn't speak a word, too. He was only crying. Afterwards he went home as fast as he could and locked himself in his room.  
The problem was that he was thinking that it was all his fault. Maybe it was, but he couldn't change it anymore.   
He was totally drowning in his sorrow. If only I could comfort him...  
But he was utterly inconsolable. Every time I went to his house, asking for talking to him, his mother only said, that he didn't want to be visited and told me: “He will get better.”  
But I didn’t t think so. He missed every dance practice and every rehearsal. He never left his house the whole month. And I bet he only left his room for eating and such.   
I was really worried about Fuma.

Suddenly my phone was ringing.  
I startled from my thoughts and grabbed it. On the display I saw that I got a message from... “Fuma”, I said surprised. I opened it and my hands started to shake. “Don' t cry for me.” No. That couldn't be. He wouldn't do such a thing, would he? For a few seconds I only sat there, like I was frozen.   
Then I realized it and jumped up. I knew where he would go. In summer he often went there... with his sister. Totally panicked I went outside and started to run. I hoped that I wouldn't be too late.

After a few minutes I arrived at the place. Completely out of breath I stood there, looking for him. Then I saw him. He was in the middle of the bridge, close to the railing. Too close.  
I started to run again. He went one step closer.   
I screamed hysterical: “FUMA! No! Please don't go!” Only a few steps were now between me and him. Soon I would have reached him. But he already climbed on the railing.

 

Fuma POV

“FUMA! No! Please don' t go!” I heard the voice and it reminded me of someone. But I didn't care. All I wanted was ending all the pain.  
I climbed on the railing. One last breath... One last look... And one last tear. I closed my eyes, ready to jump.  
Suddenly I heard fast steps behind me.

And then I felt two strong arms, which held me tightly and pulled me back.

Pulled me down from the railing.

First I fought against this arms but they were holding me too tightly. Then Kento's voice whispered in my ear. “Hey, Fuma. It' s ok. It' s me. Calm down. We will manage it, ok? Everything will be alright.”

I stopped fighting against him.

It hurted so much. My shoulders were shaking under my sobs and my tears were running over my cheeks. Kento was stroking gently through my hair. We only stood there. For minutes or hours, I didn't know anymore.

Me, crying in his arms and him, trying to comfort me.


	4. Chapter 4

I felt like I could stay with Kento like this forever. And then, way too early, he let go of me and quietly said:”Is it okay now? Do you feel better?”

His hands were still resting on me, as if he thought I would try to jump again every second.

I nodded and looked into his eyes. These beautiful eyes, full of worries… I suddenly felt really bad. If I would have jumped, he would have been so sad… And not just him. I couldn’t even imagine how many people would have cried for me.

“I – I’ll go home now.” I said in a quiet voice.

“Do you really think I’ll let you go home alone in your condition? Who knows what kind of weird ideas come into your mind again.” Kento took my hand and dragged me away from the bridge a little more. He still looked worried.

We didn’t say a word until we reached my house. But then I broke the silence and told him: “You really don’t need to protect me. I’m fine now…”

Kento didn’t look convinced. He just shook his head and walked through the door, pulling me with him.

My parents still weren’t at home, so I quickly ran into the kitchen, threw the message away and took my phone.

Kento was already on his way upstairs, he was heading directly into my room. I ran after him and he looked shocked when he opened the door.

“Did you really sit in here for a whole month? You didn’t even open your curtains!”

My room suddenly got really bright and I had to blink a few times to be able to see him clearly again. Kento had already seated himself on my bed, tapping on the free place beneath him.

“Come, sit down. We need to talk. It can’t go on like this. I’m seriously worried about you, you know?”

I sat down next to him but we didn’t talk. I just looked on to the ground and he kept looking at me.

“So… what do you want to talk about?” I asked him, still not looking up.

“Are you seriously asking that? You tried jumping off a bridge just now! I know you must feel terrible but… Why would you even _think_ about something like that? I mean, what would I do without you?” his voice had gotten louder with every word he said, but now it was quiet again. I didn’t know what to say.

Kento kept staring at me and after a few minutes of silence he sighed and got up from the bed.

“Fine. I guess you don’t want to talk to me. Just… call me or something when you want to. I thought we were friends…” He was about to go out of my room, but I grabbed his arm before he could.

“Please… don’t go.” It was my turn to say these words now. “Don’t leave me. I’ll talk about whatever you want to talk. But just stay.” I didn’t even realize how desperate I must have sounded.

But it worked. Kento sat down and smiled at me. Unwitting I smiled back at him. It felt weird, it seemed like I hadn’t smiled for ages. And Kento was probably the only one who could make me smile at a time like this.


	5. Chapter 5

Kento looked at me as if he was waiting. I didn’t know what to say so it became silent again.

“That’s what you call talking?” Kento said jokingly.

“No, it’s just… I don’t really know where to begin…” I couldn’t stand looking into his eyes, so I turned my head away and looked at the ground.

“It’s okay. I have time. Just start whenever you want.” He changed his sitting position and he really looked like he could wait forever like this. I took a deep breath before I started talking.

“I don’t want this anymore, Kento. I can’t go on living like this. It’s my fault that my sister isn’t here anymore and I feel like a murderer, like someone who doesn’t deserve to live. It’s terrible. When I sat in my room for one month, I thought about many things. What everyone would do without me. How it would have been if my sister was still alive. How her future would have been… Kento, she could have had such a great future! And I… I just…” I didn’t realize that I started crying again. But it was okay this time.

Because Kento was here.

Because he took me in his arms again, not saying anything, just comforting me.

Because it felt so good to have said all the things I’ve been wanting to say out loud.

I sobbed and tried to stop crying, but it was impossible. The tears just wouldn’t stop.

“It’s okay, Fuma. I totally understand how you feel. But you can’t change the past. Everything you can do now is trying to not make things worse. And if you’re not sure what to do, or if you want to talk to someone, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. And I will always be.”

Kento loosened his grip around me and rested one hand on my head. I didn’t want to let go of him already, so I held him really tight. Probably a little _too_ tight. He gasped and tried to get out of my hug.

“Fuma…” he said quietly and when I noticed how weird this must have seem to him I quickly let go of him and apologized.

“Kento, I’m sorry… I … That was…” while I couldn’t say even one sentence, he just smiled at me.

“It’s okay. How many times did I tell you already?” He layed his hand on to my chin and gently pushed it up.

When I realized how _close_ his face was. I had to gasp but I didn’t shy away from him this time. We just looked at each other for a really long time before he leaned forward a bit. My heart started beating really fast and I was afraid he could hear it, since he was just a few centimeters away from me.

Slowly, very slowly his face came closer. And his lips came closer. Even before I realized what he was going to do, his lips gently touched mine and I felt something I had never felt before. My heart was flattering and I drowned in this feeling. I had never imagined that kissing was a such a wonderful thing.

Suddenly I realized what I was doing here. I was kissing KENTO. My band mate.

But I didn’t mind. I forgot everything, the pain, the sorrow and for a short time, even my sister. I felt like I could stay like this forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Kento POV

After a few seconds our lips parted from each other again. Mine were tingling and felt warm. I didn't know what made me do this. I mean, I've never kissed a boy before, but Fuma had been so near and my desire to kiss him... “Sorry.” I murmured. Embarrassed, I looked onto Fuma's cover.   
Silence.  
What had I done? I looked up to apologize again and was totally surprised for not seeing anger, embarrassment or shock. No, his eyes had a sparkling inside I had never seen before.

My eyes widened and suddenly I fell into a loud laughter.   
“What's wrong?” Fuma asked quietly and a little unsure. “No, it's nothing. Just... I' m glad you're not angry. I...” While speaking my voice turned into a murmur and I stopped looking into his eyes.  
One moment later I heard Fuma saying quietly. “I... loved it.”  
Surprised, I raised my eyes and they found a little smile.  The corners of my mouth twitched and I smiled back.  
“Me too.”  
I laid my hand on Fuma's tenderly. He didn't flinch away.

                                                                              

Fuma POV

“Me too.” These words filled me with happiness. His hand was searching for mine and when he found it, I could feel it warm and soft. While looking into his beautiful brown eyes, with the long eyelashes, a pleasant shudder ran through my body.   
His look got more intense, when he took a deep breath.

“Fuma-kun. I love you. I love you so much.”  
The person who said this to me last was... my sister. The memories of her last words stabbed me like a knife.  
Probably, I pulled a face with pain because Kento looked embarrassed and I could see the heartache behind this.   
I hurried to say: “I... My sister said this too.”  
“Ah. I didn't know it. I' m sorry.”   
For a few seconds nobody said a word. Then Kento murmured: “I think I should go now.”  
“No. Please... stay. I... like you too, Kento-kun.”

And then I pulled him into another kiss. With his words in my mind. And all I could think while kissing him was: I love you too, Kento.


	7. Chapter 7

-two weeks later-

Kento and I were sitting in our favorite cafe, handholding under the table.

He had helped me a lot in the past two weeks. Even if it was only a short time, I had already thrown the depressed and sad part of me away. Kento was my main reason to live now.

Deep in thought I didn't notice Kento was asking me something. "Fuma? Someone's there?" he asked with a grin.

 "Huh?"   
"I asked you, if you would come to dance practice again. The others are still worrying about you.", he smiled.

"Uhm.. I guess I will. Somehow I want everything to be like it was before..." I stopped. It was still hard to say this out loud.

Kento stroked my hair with his free hand, still smiling at me.   
"Don't worry." he said. "I promise you'll have fun."  
I nodded and nipped at my drink, happy to know that I wasn't alone and never had to be alone again in the future as long as I had Kento by my side.

One hour later we stood right at the entrance of the agency.  
I was a little nervous but the presence of Kento next to me gave me the strength to go on. We entered and made our way to the dressing rooms. From the inside we could already hear the voices of our band mates. "I wonder if Fuma would come this time..." "I hope so.. I haven't seen him for years!" "It was only one and a half month and not years. But I hope so, too." "I know! I only said this..." I couldn't help but grin. Mari-chan and Sou-chan were really cute sometimes.

When I opened the door I found 2 pairs of eyes staring at me.

“F-Fuma-kun?” Sou first walked a bit closer, then did a little jump and hugged me. After a few seconds, Marius did the same. Only at that moment I realized how much I had missed them.

“By the way, where’s Shori?” I asked, and not one second later I heard a coughing from behind. When I turned around, I saw another familiar smile standing in the doorway.

After having greeted everyone we went into the practice room. I wasn’t the only one who realized that I was totally out of shape. After a few minutes of practicing I already sat down to take a break, not to mention all the mistakes I made with the dance moves.

The others looked at me compassionately and sat down beneath me, just because they didn’t want to make me feel bad.

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything for a long time, so it’s totally normal for you to be out of breath after a few minutes. But don’t worry, we’ll get you in shape again!” Kento said, laying one arm around me.

I forced a smile onto my lips, but Kento didn’t look convinced. He raised his eyebrows and his look got more serious. “I promised you that you wouldn’t regret coming here today. I promised that you would have fun! So come on, get up! It doesn’t matter if you get the dance steps right, the only thing that matters is having fun now!” He pulled me up onto my feet and turned on the music again. And I really enjoyed the rest of our practice. Well, we didn’t really practice, but we danced and had fun. We fooled around a lot and I felt really relieved.

After the practice, we sat on the floor, talking a lot. I was even able to tell them about the bridge and how Kento rescued me, but naturally I didn't tell them about our kiss.   
Sou and Marius were really serious and not just like fooling around all the time.   
Shori was leaving first, he had promised his mom to buy some things for her. Then Marius and Sou were leaving, murmuring something like "Learning english…"  
At least Kento and I were alone.   
"Don't you feel better now?" Kento smiled at me. "I mean, seeing them after a long time." "Yeah. Now I noticed, how much I missed them."  
One moment we remained silent. Then Kento asked: "Shall we go home, too?"  
I smiled at him, answering: "No. I want to stay here any longer. I like it here." "I understand", Kento grinned.  
And before I could even say a word, he leaned forward and I plunged totally into our kiss. His kisses were always so gently and full of emotion.  
Suddenly we heard a suppressed giggling.  
Thunderstrucked we jumped up and saw Marius and Sou ran away, still giggling.   
We looked at each other, then ran after them. Sou shouted under his giggles: "Run, Mari-chan, run! I don't want to know what they do with us if they can get us!"  
Kento and I were running through the door of the practice room, when our hands touched each other. Running through this door was like entering a new, wonderful future.  
A wonderful future... together.


End file.
